Saturday, January 17, 2015

How to build the perfect man Tinder profile

I've been on Tinder for two days now.
I could talk about my experiences: the small chats that haven't led to anywhere yet, or the people who I see at the gym EVERY DAY who are now appearing as options, but I won't.
Rather I want to talk about the man profile. 
The Tinder man profile.
I feel like I need to teach a class, because some of these profiles are SO BAD it hurts. Like literally my finger hurts from swiping left so many times. 
The purpose of your profile is to catch the ladies' eyes NOT to make me run away. So here are my tips. Please implement them so you can get dates and so I can swipe right.

1. The first picture, also known as the hook
The first picture is everything! That is the only thing people see besides you age. This picture needs to be of one person: you! I don't understand the men who put pictures of their feet, or the top of their head or their SEVEN friends as the first picture. How am I supposed to know which one you are, or how great your face is, because WOWZA, you have great socks. If your first picture is good, then the woman's curiosity and propensity to swipe right will one increase. I promise. This has happened to me in my two days of Tindering. First picture. Do it. Note: It can be your face, but if it is not (you doing something cool on skis etc.) make sure the second picture is of one thing: your face. Just you. Can I say that enough?

Now once you've cleared the first stage, the girl is going to click to see if she likes more. 

2. The description. 
I like the funny ones. Like this guy:

"Look at that face
You look like
My next mistake"

I didn't even click further I just swiped as fast as Taylor Swifts next flame burns out. 

It's cool to know what you do. It's cool when it is supported by a picture. You may fear this makes you sound like a nice guy but actually it just makes you sound normal, which is something we all need a little more of in the Tinderworld.

But please do NOT tell me how to live my life in your description.

My favorites:
"Let me guess: you love adventure." - You sound like like you have a big head here. Maybe change it to something like, "I too like adventure."
"Don't swipe right if you don't like [insert animal here]." - Even if I liked that animal I don't like you. It sounds like you have a hard head here. Maybe change it to something like, "Dog lover is a HUGE bonus."
"DTF" - No.
"I don't do anything besides [insert extreme sport here - mostly skiing]." - Sounds like you don't have a life, which is definitely something I've been looking for. That's why I'm on Tinder. To find a boring man who only does one extreme sport that I can't even cheer him on at.
"Tell me more about your paleo diet." - Good job starting the conversation talking about a diet. 

Just make it fun and playful and about YOU. Give us something to work with. Some guys don't have a description and I want to talk to them, but alas, the only thing I can come up with is "Is that a bottle of Heinz ketchup I see in that picture of half of your face in your second picture? I too love ketchup."

3. The final pictures. 
Once you've passed the first test you can pretty much do whatever you want. Try to stay away from selfies. For some reason they make me feel weird about you. Perhaps that is just me.

4. The conversation.
I have no idea. Haven't gotten this far yet. A boy messaged me and said, "Hey cutie. :)" I hated it. I think I'm not cut out for the Tinderverse. But February is Tinder month, so I will press on.

More updates to come later this month.


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